Demander Means to Ask, Not to Demand

The word demander is one of the classic false friends French learners encounter. It looks like the English verb to demand, but in French it simply means to ask. If you say Je te demande de m’aider, you’re not ordering someone; you’re making a polite request.

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The Core Distinction: Demander vs. Exiger

Demander (to ask) and exiger (to demand) are not interchangeable. Demander covers a wide range of asking: requesting information, asking a favour, or asking a question. It carries no implication of authority or impatience. Exiger, on the other hand, is strong: it means to insist on something as a right or necessity.

• Il demande le chemin. - He asks for directions.
• Le professeur exige le silence. - The teacher demands silence.

If you use demander when you mean to demand, you will sound weak rather than firm. If you use exiger when you mean to ask, you may come across as aggressive. The register difference is sharp.

Everyday French Examples with Demander

To internalise the meaning, see demander in natural contexts:

• Je demande un café, s’il vous plaît. - I’ll ask for a coffee, please.
• Elle m’a demandé de l’appeler ce soir. - She asked me to call her tonight.
• On nous a demandé nos passeports. - They asked us for our passports.
• Tu peux demander à la réception. - You can ask at reception.
• Demander une faveur - to ask a favour.
• Demander pardon - to ask for forgiveness.
• Demander l’heure - to ask the time.

Notice how demander is followed by a direct object (the thing asked for) or by de + infinitive (ask someone to do something). For example: demander quelque chose à quelqu’un, or demander à quelqu’un de faire quelque chose.

Common Mistakes English Speakers Make

English speakers often fall into these traps:

1. Using demander to translate demand.
   Wrong: Il demande une explication (if you mean “He demands an explanation”).
   Correct: Il exige une explication.
   In French, demander une explication simply means “to request an explanation.”

2. Forgetting the preposition de with an infinitive.
   Wrong: J’ai demandé à Jean venir.
   Correct: J’ai demandé à Jean de venir. - I asked Jean to come.

3. Using English word order with pronouns.
   Wrong: Je l’ai demandé de venir.
   Correct: Je lui ai demandé de venir. - I asked him to come.

Why French learners confuse words often comes down to surface similarities that hide real differences.

Memory Tip: How to Keep Them Apart

A practical mnemonic: Demander is delicate. Both start with d, and asking is lighter than demanding. Picture the difference: demander = a polite knock on the door; exiger = slamming your fist on the table.

You can also remember the phrase demander poliment (to ask politely) because demander itself already implies politeness, but adding poliment reinforces it.

Another trick: the English expression “to demand an answer” would be exiger une réponse. If you’re not exigeant (demanding), you’re just asking.

Practice: Identify the Correct Verb

Fill in the blank with the correct French verb (demander or exiger):

1. Elle a __________ un rendez-vous avec le directeur. (She asked for an appointment with the director.) → demandé
2. Le client __________ un remboursement immédiat. (The customer demanded an immediate refund.) → exige
3. Nous allons __________ notre chemin. (We’re going to ask for directions.) → demander
4. Le chef __________ une réunion à 8h. (The boss demanded a meeting at 8 a.m.) → exige

If you want to sound natural, always default to demander for neutral requests, and save exiger for situations that truly require force.

Related False Friends Worth Knowing

Demander is not the only French verb that looks misleadingly like an English word. Here are a couple more to watch out for:

• Visiter means to visit a place, but you need rendre visite à quelqu’un for visiting a person. Learn more in our guide on visiter vs. rendre visite.
• Rester means to stay, not to rest. Many learners confuse it with se reposer.

These verbs are part of a larger set of French words that are easy to confuse. Reviewing them together can help you avoid common pitfalls.

Why This False Friend Matters

Misusing demander may not lead to disaster, but it chips away at your accuracy and can make your French sound less natural. At the A2 level and beyond, controlling these subtle differences marks the shift from textbook French to real communication.

A simple review routine can make this easieris a neutral, everyday verb, while exiger belongs in more formal or forceful situations. With spaced repetition, you can train these distinctions until they become automatic.

A useful final check is to make the vocabulary active, not just recognized. Pick one familiar sentence from demander false friend, change a person, a time word, or a place, and say the new version aloud with its English gloss. That small variation shows whether the word is ready for real use or needs another short review. Keep the example short, concrete, and easy to.